what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 22


In the 1990’s Oprah started talking about poo. The subject was breached by Dr Oz when he started out on her show and at the time it was quite revolutionary. They talked about size, texture, colour, regularity and most surprisingly shape. They went on and on about C and S shaped poo. This was the holy grail of a healthy gut, body and lifestyle.

After watching Oprah’s revelatory poo discussion, I began checking my bowl for letters of the alphabet and was super disappointed that I could not see letters of any kind. Over the last 20 years I periodically checked my toilet bowl with anticipation and optimism, hoping I might have finally cracked the poo code.

“It should be an S shape and you want to make sure the colour’s normal because the colour of the poop tells you a lot about how you made it” – Dr Oz

Flash forward to a recent overseas holiday to Hawaii – I had never been to the United States before. Despite having been warned about the high level of water in American toilet bowls, I was still surprised by just HOW MUCH WATER there actually was. It was so high that I was scared of accidentally rinsing my hands in toilet water (thankfully I never did).

It wasn’t until my first number 2 in an American toilet that I finally (after 20 years) understood what Oprah was going on about. I had no chance of fulfilling my dreams of finding a C or even better and S shaped poo in my toilet bowl at home. There simply wasn’t enough water to allow a full display of my good works.

Not only did I have a great holiday in Hawaii, I got to fulfil my biggest poo goal – on a daily basis ­čÖé

It was comforting to know that I had always been as healthy as I could be (in terms of poo shape), but the limitations of non-American toilet bowl design never allowed me to fully realise how awesome I had always been. So, all along Oprah was right… I should never have doubted her wisdom… it was non-American toilet design that had let me down.

VIVA POO and as Chris Hardwick’s father used to say, “Any day you┬ácan take a shit is a┬ágood day”. Here’s hoping your day, and your poo, are good today ­čśŤ

what i learnt this week 2016 :: WEEK 12

Perhaps in keeping with last weeks post about privacy and shame… poo is everything.

Everybody poops (sung to the tune of R.E.M.’s Everybody Hurts)! It’s a fact. If you don’t poop you will eventually die.

Pooping is as important to life as breathing, eating┬áand┬ádrinking enough water… but there is little discussion on the importance of poo. A lot of taboo and shame surround the subject of poo… at least in Australia and the Western world. But EVERYBODY DOES IT! Yet most people act as if it never happens.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should get rid of cubicles to┬áplay canasta and sip cocktails while taking a dump, but we could remove some of the stigma and shed some light on the dark topic.

If more people talked about poo, poop or pooping then maybe people who have difficulties or abnormalities would be able to better identify that something is wrong. Some people are really unwell and would rather die than talk to their doctor about their bad poo situation.

Another important benefit of┬áremoving the stigma of talking about poo is that there are so sooo sooooo many funny stories about poo… the world can only benefit from frank discussion about our struggles with our dark passenger (gratuitous Dexter reference there for the fans).

Look after your poo… eat good food to cultivate great┬ápoo… do exercise to keep poo on the move… keep track of changes in your poo… buy good quality toilet paper that is responsibly sourced… don’t use ‘flushable’ wipes as they are NOT flushable… talk to your doctor about any significant changes in your pooping habits… more importantly celebrate great poo. There is nothing better than doing an awesome shit and feeling like a million dollars.

Here’s hoping you feel like a million dollars today.

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