This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of a broken heart. There is that old and very worn out quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” and as tired as that is, there is an awful lot of truth to it.
I haven’t let my heart get broken by something silly like a boy… you see, my main man, Leroy Brown my 16 year old dog passed away last week. It was heart breaking. I felt intense pain in my chest… it felt as if my heart was actually broken. It really hurt on every level. I deal with a lot of physical pain so I’m used to that but this was a complete pain I have not felt too often in my lifetime.
While my heart is broken I’m not huddled up in a corner crying into a nutella bagel… I am getting on with things, however it does take a little bit more effort to get out of bed in the morning. I’m sure that’s normal.
I have been wondering “is it all worth it?”
So many people have told me that they will never have a dog again because their death was so painful. However, having just crossed that threshold I don’t agree with them. While the pain is real and deep when I weigh it up against the 16 years of cuddles, laughs, companionship, loyalty, joy and love then it is totally worth it in my books.
When a bone gets broken and then is healed the strongest part of that bone is the break itself, then does it follow that the same goes for our hearts? Maybe my heart will be stronger once the wound is healed and the scar tissue has filled the hole. I’d like to think so, however I have not conducted any scientific studies to support this hypothesis.
So maybe now I can love again – even harder – because I know that I can survive great heartache. At least that’s what I’m shooting for.
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