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a drawing a day ::: january 2018 ::: day 6
#adrawingaday
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a drawing a day ::: january 2018 ::: day 5
#adrawingaday
If you would like to purchase a drawing or commission a portrait, please get in touch.
a drawing a day ::: january 2018 ::: day 4
#adrawingaday
If you would like to purchase a drawing or commission a portrait, please get in touch.
a drawing a day ::: january 2018 ::: day 3
#adrawingaday
If you would like to purchase a drawing or commission a portrait, please get in touch.
a drawing a day ::: january 2018 ::: day 2
#adrawingaday
If you would like to purchase a drawing or commission a portrait, please get in touch.
what i learnt this Year 2017
#WhatILearntThisWeek #WhatILearntThisYear
I have realised that I am an open book. Most of me is on full display and I don’t have a lot of hang-ups when it comes to subject matter… well I do have some, but not as many as most.
I like to share stories and ideas, things I’ve learnt (well obviously LOL) and talk about big ideas that interest me. It’s something I’m passionate about… I like sharing ideas with my immediate family, friends close and far and online communities.
I’m a talker. I can’t help myself 😛
I have really enjoyed sharing my ideas via #WhatILearntThisWeek for the last 3 years and I did it without expectation of response. There is something lovely about doing a project sans expectation… it’s liberating as it means any response is a pleasent surprise.
I wrote these posts for myself as much as I did it to help other people. It’s been a kind of public diary. It’s never concerned me if my ramblings were popular, read widely or shared… that’s not what it was about.
I have decided not to continue with #WhatILearntThisWeek in 2018 only for the reason of time-saving. I am deciding instead to focus my daily art practice.
All of the lessons and self-reflection has made me realise that I want to be a full-time artist. I want to be known for my work, earn a good living from my art and expand my skills so that I can fulfil my own creative imaginings.
I’m sure I will still find a way to share my musings, as I can’t help myself, but from now on I will regularly share my artwork instead. So it’s out with an old project and in with a new… and I will once again share my work without expectation of response or success.
Here’s to a creative and art filled 2018! Viva creativity!!
a drawing a day ::: january 2018 ::: day 1
#adrawingaday
If you would like to purchase a drawing or commission a portrait, please get in touch.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 52
#WhatILearntThisWeek
The year’s end has come around so quickly that it terrifies me.
Each year speeds by faster than the previous one and there is no reason to believe that time will slow down anytime soon.
Now that I’m in my 40’s, I am questioning what I have achieved so far and if it’s enough. If I’ve learnt anything from writing these posts over the last few years, it’s that we can always do more than we think we can.
We can write more + create more + love more + dance more + care more + look after ourselves better + engage with our community more + be better.
Every second our life is ticking by… tick tick tick tick tick… it’s equal parts terrifying and equal parts liberating. Every second we have spent so far is gone and we cannot get it back. It doesn’t matter what we have or haven’t done in our past up to now… NOW, from this SECOND onwards it’s UP TO YOU to make the most of your life, your skills, your loved ones and your time.
Make every second count.
Minutes or hours lying on the couch relaxing counts for something… I’m not saying we have to be at action stations all the time. But finding the right balance and making sure that at the end of each day we have achieved something to be proud of, helped one other person, done one kindness and have done our best to look after ourselves, then it’s a day well spent.
Listen to the ticking clock counting down the rest of your days and don’t see it as a terrifying tick of impending doom… instead choose to see it as counting up to great things, counting up to your best self. Make the seconds count… your time starts NOW!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 51
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Captain Jean-Luc Picard of Star Trek fame famously says, “Make it so”. He does not command his crew to wish it so.
Just like the crew of the USS Enterprise-D you need to get shit done. Wishing for things to happen or to come to you will NOT make it so.
Sitting on the couch watching Netflix is fun (in appropriate doses) but it’s not going to get you to where you want to be in life. If you want a career then work hard to get it. If you want a lover then go out and find it. If you want a different life make steps every day to get that different life.
Sitting around and waiting for life to happen to you will get you nowhere fast. Sitting around and being sad about what you don’t have will only lead to sadness and depression.
Do shit.
Get up.
Work hard.
Stop wishing and strat doing.
Figure out what you want in life.
Go out and get what you want in life.
Don’t wait for life to come to you… go out and meet life head-on.
Listen to Captain Jean-Luc Picard and make it so.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 50
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Life is too short to kiss arse.
According to Wikitionary kiss arse = To flatter or perform favours excessively, especially to receive preferential treatment from a boss or other superior.
There is a huge difference between being kind and polite and kissing arse. Some people want to get ahead by sucking up to the rich and powerful people in their circle. This is sad to watch and it seldom works.
Most people who are truly powerful don’t respect kiss arses. They want to be treated the same as everyone else. If someone does respond to kiss arserery they are probably a massive douche and you shouldn’t want their approval.
Instead of investing all of your energy into sucking up to the “right people” why not put that same energy into being freaking awesome. Send your time and energy kicking arse. Be the best you can be. Strive harder. Run further. Work harder. Be the best you possible.
The right people will notice at the right time and you will get ahead if you keep working hard enough. Think of how satisfying it would be to get to where you want on your own merits instead of by sucking up to some smarmy git.
This does not mean that you can’t get help or favours from friends and influencers along the way, but they should want to help you because of your hard work + tenacity + mad skills + desire to succeed + abilities rather than because you kissed their arse.
So, the next time you find yourself pursuing your lips ready for a good arse kissing… question your own skills and choose to work hard on yourself and your projects instead of sucking up for preferential treatment. The win will be so much sweeter.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 49
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Regardless of whether you’re doing something for yourself, for someone you care about, for a stranger or for your community… do something every day that makes a difference.
When we have a crisis of conscience and wonder why are we here… the answer to that question doesn’t really make much of a difference in our lives. What makes a difference to our lives, our hearts and our minds is to know that we are making a difference.
We can feel overwhelmed with what we should be doing and what kind of legacy we will leave behind, but freaking out about it won’t actually make a difference. Action will make a difference.
You may not have a grand plan. You may not know what change you want to effect in the world. We are not all going to leave a mark like Elon Musk. We can’t all change the world on a grand scale. You can however make a small and accumulative difference.
Your difference does not have to be huge. Small gestures can change the world.
Bring in a neighbour’s rubbish. Help someone into a store. Pay for the next persons coffee. Send a cake to a lovely old couple sitting in a cafe. Deliver a takeaway meal to a friend who is having a hard time. Call someone who you know is lonely.
You don’t have to be a huge hero. Just be a little hero… every day. Take action. This will add up over a lifetime and make a real difference. Maybe no one will even notice… but you will 🙂
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 48
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Some people try to be as normal as possible and will do anything to fit in. I recently saw a lovely video of Pink (the singer) talking about her daughter and her motherly advice was that normal was boring and to always choose weird.
While I don’t think you have intentionally manufacture weirdness, just being yourself and comfortable in your own skin can be weird enough for most.
A lot of people are spending so much energy trying to fit in, trying not to stand out and trying to be “normal”. What the hell is “normal” anyway? No one is going to give you a gold medal for being “normal”. You’re not going to get to the end of your life and be proud of not rocking the boat and for being the most “normal” person ever.
You have a choice. Be normal or be yourself. You might not be normal. Why not just be you? Imagine the energy you would save not trying to be something that you’re not.
So, make a conscious decision to be a fluro pen in a world full of boring blue byros. Imagine how bright you could be!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 46
#WhatILearntThisWeek
The older I get, the less room I have in my life for high drama.
I am not talking about real life drama like accidents and illness… we all have to accommodate real shit like that. I am talking about the attention seeking high drama of the emotionally inept.
You know what I’m talking about… those seemingly from nowhere tantrums that some grown-ups will have. They misinterpret your words or intentions, they make up stories for attention and stir up all kinds of trouble for anyone within hands reach.
They exist (although there are not too many of them left in my world) and they are dangerous to your emotional and mental wellbeing. There is so much real shit going on in the world and in your life that you don’t need any manufactured drama to pile on.
How much drama is too much drama? For me, fake drama is too much drama. I won’t put up with it anymore. I have reached peak high drama!
From now on, people who bring this kind of shit to the table will not be invited back. I really don’t have the mental or emotional room to accommodate these toxic and energy zapping people. I have to save some energy for my own real-life drama, the good things in life and time for cuddling puppies. I can think of a million things I’d rather be doing with my life and or time than putting up with anyone’s high drama.
Take a look around and see if you can identify the high drama individuals in your life. If they are easy to eliminate from your life then go for it. Life is too short to give up perfectly good Netflix and chill time to try to talk a sense into a fake drama addict.
THIS IS A HIGH DRAMA FREE ZONE BABY!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 47
#WhatILearntThisWeek
I’m not sure if it’s just an Australian thing but tall poppy syndrome really affects people’s ability to shine.
Don’t hide your light under a bushel is an old proverb taken from the Sermon on the Mount. While I am not at all religious, Jesus had some wise words to share and by saying this, he was telling his believers not to hide their faith.
I use this saying to encourage you to not conceal your talents or abilities. If you have a mad skill… use it… share it… don’t be afraid to be FUCKING GREAT!
According to popular music, you’re supposed to shine bright like a diamond but as soon as you start shinning in Australia you get pulled back down and put in your place. We can’t have any tall poppies rocking the boat. It can be so extreme that some people don’t ever strive for greatness for fear of being called out.
I cop a bit of tall poppy bashing from time to time as I am not shy about sharing my talents or acknowledge that I’m good at certain things. We are all great at something. It’s as if we are supposed to be so ‘modest’ about our skills that we have to pretend that we’re really crap at everything to be accepted in society. Well, I say, FUCK THAT!
If you are really great at something… shine brightly. If people can’t handle that, then shine brighter. Don’t hide your light under a bushel.
Why are we so concerned with fitting in? We need to get out from under our own private bushel and shine bright! All of us.
Rhianna has it right… shine bright like a diamond!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 45
#WhatILearntThisWeek
A good girlfriend of mine says this and I love it. She abbreviates it to CUTO!
It’s so spot on. We all need to start saying this to ourselves… like all the time!
You’re always going to have tough times. We all are. No one is going to have a smooth ride through life. Ups and downs are in your future… they’re going to happen no matter what measures you take to avoid them. So, what’s a girl to do?
Well, you’re going to put your chin up, pop your tits out and get on with your day. It’s the smart thing to do. All the cool kids are doing it!
I often say, “put your big girl pants on and get on with it” but that can sound a bit mean… but maybe it’s my abrupt in my delivery. Whatever it takes to keep you moving forward is a good thing.
There are other benefits of CUTO… putting your chin up makes you look thinner as you are eliminating most of your double chin (s) 😛 and putting your tits out can also make you thinner… it’s always good to lead from one of your best assets.
So the next time you’re feeling a bit flat, down or unmotivated… put your chin up, stick your tits out and face the world full frontal… fake it till you make it… you’d be surprised how far this philosophy can take you.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 44
#WhatILearntThisWeek
It’s important to make things. It’s a fundamental human trait. We make all sorts of things… we cook, draw, write, paint, sew and create things almost every day and while for most of us it’s just a hobby some of us also try to make a living out of it.
I sometimes want to stop making something or using a particular style if it isn’t popular, doesn’t get any love or sales but why should that matter? If my intention is to make work that I love, does it really matter if it’s “successful”? I think not.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the capitalistic philosophy that rules all of our lives, but there has to be room for love activities, things we do just for us and passion projects. If some of them take off and make some money or garner some online love then great, but don’t let that be your driving force.
Only making things for profit or popularity will change the way you make. It will prostitute your ideas. It will make your work insincere and soulless. Often, it’s the soulful secret ingredient in a book, recipe, piece of writing or hand sewn gem that makes it super special.
We need to make from a place of passion. Keep making, keep challenging and keep trying new things… maybe one might take off and become a success but what the fuck is success anyway. Success is in the making. You actually got out of bed and made something. That is the prize. That is your gold medal.
GO OUT AND MAKE SOMETHING… NOW!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 43
#WhatILearntThisWeek
2017 has been an amazing year for women. It seems to be the first time in history that women – on mass – have been heard. The world is finally listening, despite the fact that roughly half of the world’s population are women.
The women’s marches that happened around the world, the outing of serial sexual predators and the rise of the Me Too discussion have elevated women’s rights and feminism to new heights and it is wonderful. It’s not the end of the road, rather it is just the beginning of a much larger conversation that, if continued, might lead to real and sustainable change.
Exciting times.
I have however had a few interesting conversations with men who I had thought of as “woke”. Men who I love and admire and who I thought understood the issues women face on a daily basis.
At the end of the day, only women can really understand what women have been putting up with for decades. I was silly of me to assume that men would go out of their way to understand. Their lack of understanding does not mean that they don’t care, they are just not aware of the frequency of sexist bullshit the women in their lives are living with.
I do feel temporarily furious when a man gets defensive and says “yeah, but it’s not all men”. Yes, I know that you numpty, that’s why I’m talking to you about it. If I really thought you were a heartless dick then I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you, would I?
I resist the urge to slap these guys up the back of the head. Yes, we do know that it’s not all men that treat women terribly – consciously or subconsciously – but sadly every woman has been treated terribly on the basis of their gender. Every single woman and girl in this world will come up against sexism at some point – in different situations and in various degrees but at the end of the day, it is every woman.
So, to the men in our lives who love and respect us, when we are taking about women’s issues, we’re not actually talking about you. You don’t have to feel persecuted. If we thought you were a sexist fuck wit, we would not be having that particular conversation with you.
Ok, we good now? Good!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 42
#WhatILearntThisWeek
A friend of mine recently shared an amazing piece of writing by Pema Chodron on Hopelessness and Death. This sounds as if it would be something depressing but it’s actually very uplifting.
Hope can be a barrier to success. Think about it… if you spend all of your time hoping, then you’re not getting on with shit. It’s easier (in the short term) to sit back and hope for a different future, to hope that one day you will be a different you, hope for a knight in shining armour to swoop in and rescue you from your shit life or to hope for your luck to completely changing resulting in a different life than the one you currently have. This just doesn’t happen. Sitting back and waiting for great things in life to find you will not get you where you want to be.
Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty… We feel that someone else knows what’s going on, but that there’s something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.
– Pema Chodron
If you are relying on hope to get you through then you’re not likely to be a success. Hope is not enough. Instead of hoping, why not look at yourself and figure out where you’re lacking. What is it that you need to learn or do to get ahead. What feelings of inferiority or worthlessness do you need to confront so that you can actually get on and get shit done? Stop hiding in hope and face your fears. Face your hurdles. Face your own limitations.
Hope can lead to misery as you’re sitting back waiting for life to happen to you rather than going out and making your own dreams come true.
Hopelessness or a lack of hope means you have faced your own reality and are no longer lying to yourself… you know exactly who you are and what you want to be. Only then can you be free to create, soar and succeed. Hopelessness is the ultimate freedom and we all need more of it.
If you want to read more of Pema Chodron’s ideas you can read When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Difficult Times.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 41
#WhatILearntThisWeek
A lot of women I know apologise WAY TOO MUCH!
I used to do this myself until a friend of mine called me out! He got really annoyed and asked me why I was always apologising.
I have recently noticed some of the women in my life over-apologising… a crazy amount.
“Sorry, can you please get me the bill?”
“I’m sorry, do you mind if I go past?”
“Sorry to bother you…”
It goes on and on and on… frankly, I’m tired of it. What are we all so fucking sorry about? I don’t notice any men doing this… it seems to be an exclusively female problem. We are brought up to be polite but this is getting out of control. It is as if these women are apologising for being alive and I used to be one of them.
It’s time to not be sorry anymore… at least for things that we shouldn’t be sorry for. It wasn’t until I was called out that I realised how much I over-apologised… once I stopped I felt so liberated. It was rather miraculous.
I do still apologise for things, but I make sure it’s only for things I should really be sorry for, like bumping into someone or being really late. It’s time to stop being sorry for being alive… if you really can’t stop saying sorry maybe start out by transitioning over to “sorry – not sorry.” Over time you’ll get used to it and stop saying unnecessary sorry’s.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 40
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Happiness is free and it should be a social requirement, however, some people feel guilty if they are happy.
I know people who seem afraid of happiness. They feel guilty if they are happy or they think their happiness comes at the cost of someone else’s. I don’t understand this as I grew up in a very happy household with an awesome mother who still grasps every opportunity for happiness.
I’m not sure if this fear of happiness is a hangover from religion or family belief systems but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being happy. Being happy does not negatively affect anyone else and if it does that’s their problem.
Happiness has so many benefits. It’s good for your health, it’s good for your mental state, it’s good for the people around you as it is an infectious state of being and it is good for your soul. We can sometimes hold onto negative feelings as there is something satisfying we get from them but there are many more long-term benefits that come from being happy.
Sometimes happiness needs to be manufactured. Think of laughing yoga… it seems silly to fake laugh but within a millisecond, the laughter becomes very real. This is also true for happiness… you can’t wait for it to come to you, you have to manufacture it… the more you have it the more you will get. It’s one of those things (like love) that gets enriched rather than diminished when shared.
Make a conscious decision to be happy… see the best in every situation… have a good laugh… read a funny story… watch a silly movie… do everything in your power to be happy TODAY. Maybe you’ll get more comfortable with happiness and it will grow… happiness is the best infection you could get 😛
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 39
#WhatILearntThisWeek
There is not a lot we wouldn’t do for love… love is wonderful. It’s a fantastic drug that keeps us going through the tough times. However, if it feels bad, then it’s not love.
Love is uplifting. Love is caring. Love is joy. Love is support. Love is NOT pain. Love is NOT suffering. Love is NOT abuse.
We all want love, it’s a deep human desire. However, some people are sooo eager to be loved that they put up with all manner of crap. They put up with being treated terribly and they think they are loved. Well, I’ve got news for you… love should not feel bad.
Love is like a good pair of shoes. It supports you, makes you look good and lifts you up. We’ve all had a bad pair of shoes that pinches, makes your feet look horrible and leaves you with a sour look on your face due to the pain. Well, when a pair of shoes makes us unhappy, we get rid of them (or at least sensible people do) and we should do the same with relationships that hurt us.
You deserve to be loved… choose your relationships wisely.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 38
#WhatILearntThisWeek
I find it interesting that some people will complain about a gift they received… perhaps they have forgotten about the real meaning of giving.
gifta thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
A gift is something that is supposedly given willingly as in its voluntary. However, society has evolved and there is a lot of obligatory gift-giving these days and this can lead to tension and resentment.
Some people are better at giving gifts than others but we don’t only give gifts. We also give our time, attention, friendship and love.
In a perfect world, we would all give the same amount and no one would lose but that’s not how life works.
My cousin recently said something that made a lot of sense… people are either fountains or drains. It is such a perfect description of how people can be givers or takers. I am sure at different times in our life we are fountains and then at other times, we can be drains. At the end of the day, it’s the average of give and take that matters.
The next time you feel like someone isn’t giving you enough, ask yourself… what have you given? do you really deserve more than your getting? are you being a drain and not a fountain? Think about it!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 37
#WhatILearntThisWeek
We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get certain things done by a deadline… for many of us, it’s the end of the year. I do this a lot. I put loads of pressure on myself and when I don’t reach my self-imposed deadline I get really really mad at myself.
But now that it’s nearly the end of the year it’s time to reassess. What is really important and what are you really capable of completing? There is no shame in moving the goal post.
Doing so could make you more efficient. It could allow you to work harder on the really important projects. By giving the important projects the effort and attention they deserve you can get a better result… leading to a better feeling of accomplishment.
Finishing 10 tasks in a half arse manner won’t win anyone any prizes. Finishing 5 and doing them really well is much more desirable.
It’s good to set hard to reach goals but it’s also important to reassess and make sure you can not only finish them but finish them well.
So now that we’re a few weeks out from the end of 2017 take a moment to make sure you’re using your valuable resources well and don’t try to be a hero… there are no gold medals.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 36
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Further to my last #WhatILearntThisWeek, I can be really hard on myself. I used to feel so bad when I’d give myself a deadline and then not meet it. I would sometimes even abandon a project because I had not finished it on time.
There are some things that absolutely positively have to get done on time… these non-negotiable deadlines are firm and real and we must do our best to meet them. I’m referring to things with real-world consequences like paying your mortgage on time.
However, some of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get EVERYTHING done ALL THE TIME. This is really unnecessary and can cause a lot of stress.
I do this. I try to be all things to as many people as I can. I have learnt recently that I can’t do this. It’s just not physically possible. I have to pick my battles and pick which tasks I need to get done today, this week or this month. I have decided to stop bullying myself into doing too much and I feel much better for it.
It would be nice to be able to get EVERYTHING on my to-do list done today and I’ll do my best, but if I don’t get to fold the clean clothes or make it to the post office before closing, that’s ok. I’ll get it done the next day.
Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? You might be stressing yourself out for no real reason. Try to remember you don’t always have to be on time… give yourself a break… as long as you get shit done, eventually 😛
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 35
#WhatILearntThisWeek
I am my own worst critic and I am by far my own worst bully. We, humans, are a weird bunch.
Some of us spend a lot of time building up the people around us but we simultaneously tear ourselves down. What is with that?!? Where did we learn this behaviour? Can we stop it? Yes, yes, we can…
I got myself an art coach earlier this year and she keeps reminding me to be kind to myself. I am super-duper hard on myself and I rarely give myself a break. Being periodically reminded to be kind to me has seemed to have worked. It shone a light on a behaviour I was not aware of. I did not realise that I was my own worst bully until someone called me out.
I am taking small timeouts – even when I’m seemingly crazy busy. I’m forgiving myself for not completing everything on time. I am allowing myself to eat the occasional naughty something without chastising myself. It has allowed me to do more work, be more creative and basically set myself up for greater success. It has had a really positive knock-on effect.
There is another side to being kind to yourself. If you are kind to yourself you are showing others that you deserve kindness… in effect, you are leading by example. Show others that you respect and treat yourself well and they will too – and if they don’t, well they can just fuck off 😛
So be kind to yourself. You deserve it… and you’ll probably get more shit done!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 34
#WhatILearntThisWeek
There are some people out there who really hate women. I really don’t understand this – perhaps that’s because I am one. Sometimes it is cultural and sometimes it’s just that someone is a complete dick. But whatever the reason it’s just downright baffling.
Every living and breathing human being on this earth was built in and came out of a woman’s body. Just think about that for a moment. Women are capable of making people… like a whole person. It’s mind-blowing and it’s something we take completely for granted. Yet women are considered the weaker sex.
So, if you hate women… then you, in fact, hate yourself as you came from a woman. The toughest most masculine manly man in the world came out of a woman’s body… every single man, woman and a child came out of a woman’s body. Until we have developed an alternative method of growing people, we should praise the strength and flexibility of women.
If you hate women, you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and wonder why you hate yourself. Work on that and then start treating women with the respect and care they have always deserved*.
Mike drop!
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 33
#WhatILearntThisWeek
It can feel like we’re fighting arseholes all the time… let’s face it, chances are we are. There are a lot of big egos out there that we have to deal with on a daily basis but the only we have to control is our own.
ego
noun
a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
“he needed a boost to his ego”
The ego is a funny thing… it’s hard to get your head around as it’s intangible, essential and potentially problematic.
The ego is the part of our psyche that facilitates belief in yourself. It allows us to take chances, believe in our ability to get shit done and we need it to keep pushing forward in life. Getting a handle on our own ego is a lifelong process and as our circumstances change we need to adjust it accordingly. This process of adjustment and change is mainly subconscious but we can at times be aware of it.
Without our ego, we would get nothing done. Trouble comes when we try to control other people’s egos instead of our own.
We have no rights or control over other people’s egos. While we can influence people, who are in our circle, we cannot control their ego. That is up to them. That is their responsibility. But many of us waste waaaaay too much time trying to tame others people’s egos.
The sooner we can let go of our desire to reign in other people’s egos and focus on refining our own, the sooner we can get on with the business of living our own lives.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 32
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Never before have we been fed more bias information and it’s not just the fault of news media.
Despite living in a 24-hour news cycle world, we are all getting most of our news from social media. How much of this is actually true? and how much of it is skewed towards our existing point of view?
We like and follow people and associations that we admire and respect, creating a social network of potentially like-minded people and organisations. There’s nothing wrong with that right? Well… this means that we are only presented with news and ideas that already align with our own way of thinking. We can edit our feeds so precisely that we may never again be presented with a challenging idea or alternate opinion.
Now we can even filter which news organisations we wish to receive news from. Surely that’s not a problem right! If you only get your news from an extreme left or extreme right news source then you will not be presented with an opposing point of view. How will you ever learn about other points of view, or how your ideas affect other people? We learn so much by being challenged. We even learn by arguing (respectfully) with others. We could, after all, be wrong or sitting on the wrong side of an argument. It’s not until we are presented with new ideas that we can see both sides and only then we can make an informed decision.
We are spiralling out into small silos of communication, only hearing our own point of view fed back to us and only speaking to people who agree with us. This reinforces dangerous ideas and is a terrifying side effect of social media. This phenomenon is in part responsible for the rise of previously isolated and maligned groups, like the recent public display of white supremacy in the US.
This is one time when more information is not necessarily better. We need to worry more about the quality of the information, news and opinions we are deciding to digest and accept. Think about how biased your news and social media feeds are… are you even allowing yourself to be challenged?
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 31
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Sometimes it might be nice to fantasise that we could always get our way… but we really do need to hear the word “NO” sometimes.
Think about people in history who became so powerful that no one could ever say no to them… they nearly always ended up completely bonkers.
Once he was truly famous, Elvis was out of control. He was taking all sorts of pills. Pills to wake up. Pills to go to sleep. It has been reported that anyone who stood up to him and tried to get him back to health would be unceremoniously removed from the inner sanctum. This lead to a “YES” culture that ultimately lead to his untimely death.
Look at the end of Michael Jackson’s life. He was out of control. No one could rein in his spending despite being in enormous debt. It seems that no one was able to convince him that it was not wise to share his bed with children. When it came to doctors, he shopped around for one who would do his bidding rather than what was good for him and we all know how that ended.
I wonder if these two incredibly powerful men had people saying “NO” to them once in a while – assuming they were heard – that things might have turned out differently.
Think also of two modern day examples. I can’t imagine Donald Trump or Vladimir Putin get told “NO” too often. I am sure that the people in their inner circle know not to challenge them. Look at the effect of this NO FREE ZONE is having on all of the world, not just in America and Russia.
No one should be immune to hearing the word “NO”. There is nothing wrong with being challenged. It does not mean that you have to listen, but it is wise to take it as an opportunity to question your own actions, thoughts and logic as you might be able to find a better way of doing things.
Make NO your friend… don’t avoid it.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 30
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Now that I am recovering from the flu rather than dying from it I am stunned at how weak us humans are when facing a virus. It’s mental how quickly it can debilitate us.
This year’s flu was particularly bad… it hit our household and it hit us HARD. It’s amazing that something so small (like a virus or bacteria) can bring us to our knees.
I am not the kind of person who cries a lot… I’d say I have a good cry about 4 times a year (not counting the occasional TV Show/Movie/Commercial related tear) but with this flu I cried up to 4 times a day. The pain was horrendous… I hadn’t been this sick since 2007 when I got whooping cough from a colleague who coughed in my moth (between kissing cheek 1 and cheek 2).
As I lay there feeling very sorry for myself, I felt like an abandoned baby. When you’re an adult you have to get up and make soup and pour your own water… we regress but sadly our circumstances don’t meet that expectation. Anyway, I made it through… I just hope I am somehow stronger for it… eventually.
The flu is a great equaliser… everybody gets sick… eventually.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 29
#WhatILearntThisWeek
Anger is a tricky emotion. It can be a positive force in small doses but can be a very toxic and destructive emotion if not managed correctly.
anger
nouna strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
“the colonel’s anger at his daughter’s disobedience”
The trick to benefitting from anger is to use it as a motivating force. It’s holding on to anger that is dangerous to your physical and mental health. If you can use it as a motivator to strive further or work harder then you are transforming it from a negative to a positive force.
Anger can make you feel strong and powerful. It may even help push you forward to get what you want. It can be the incentive for change that you need to succeed and flourish.
It is believed that anger can make us push on towards our goals in the face of problems and barriers. Perhaps there are some milestones we never would have achieved had we not been sufficiently wound up by anger. Maybe a small dose of anger is the secret to success?!?
So, the next time you feel anger rising… make sure you don’t hold onto it. Use it as a force for good. Use it as a catalyst for change. Turn it into a positive drive forward. By not holding on to it you can improve yourself and push yourself further than you thought possible.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 28
#WhatILearntThisWeek
I always find it hilarious in movies when a character tells someone to leave only to be devastated when they go. What did they expect would happen?
This seems to be a common phenomenon on the screen… and in real life.
Is it because they overestimate their own importance in the other person’s life and can’t believe they would ever leave them? Is it because they’re afraid of letting someone get close enough to them to see their flaws/weaknesses?
It’s not just a poorly advised ultimatum that I am thinking of. It’s the behaviour of pushing someone away for some unknown reason. I’ve seen this in so many people – including myself at times. It can be done as a test to see if this person really wants to be with you or a fear of letting someone get too close. Whatever the reason, the result is often the same… the person will eventually walk away.
While that is to be expected… the pusher is almost always surprised that their tactics to be alone actually worked. It’s a strange human phenomenon and I’m not sure that many people are even aware that they’re doing it.
So, remember that while you cannot control the decisions someone else makes, however you can influence them heavily. If you are alone wondering why no one sticks around… ask yourself if you are pushing people away. While we all strive to be tough and resilient, we don’t have to be so tough that we end up all alone. Remember the role you play in your relationships and don’t make promises or demands that will hurt you if and when they come true.
what i learnt this week 2017 :: WEEK 27
#WhatILearntThisWeek
I learn differently to others. It took me a long time to figure this out. Not surprisingly I am a very visual person (being an artist/illustrator).
I struggled through primary school with traditional teaching techniques. I would have fallen really far behind were it not for my amazing mother who would teach me extra work after school. She kept me interested and inspired. She found a way to reach me.
Not everyone has an amazing mum who is so dedicated to their education and because of that a lot of really naturally smart people, slip through the cracks.
We are all so very different and it is silly to think that we should all learn in exactly the same way. Education is coming around to this way of thinking – finally – and you can see some fantastic out of the box teaching going on around the country and the world. Even though there are some advancements, I am not sure that it is communicated to the child that we all learn differently.
I know children who feel stupid and left behind because they’re struggling in one or more subjects. It erodes their confidence and diminishes their self-worth. More often than not, if they get the right tutelage (either from a family member or professional tutor) they eventually ‘get it’ and you can see the change in their level of confidence. I think it is important that we all understand that we learn differently and instead of striving to compete with some random standard of assessment, we should instead focus on how we learn as an individual.
Finding our individual key to learning is perhaps one of the most important education milestones we can conquer. Once I figured out that I will never learn by reading the manual and following the text and that I learn best by being shown and experiencing the problem rather than reading about it, I was set for life. I now learn things very quickly… I only wish I had understood this while I was at school.